It's true. We all have to go home. No-one gets to stay at the party forever. Not even you or I. And damn it, this is a GREAT PARTY!!!! I don't want to leave, and it just seems like more friends keep showing up! But on Wednesday night, one of these friends who I recently reconnected with, made his exit….went home. And the party isn't nearly as lively as it was a day earlier. Or a month ago….or a year ago….or a decade ago….
I've been thinking lately (dangerous) about all my acquaintances, friends, and family who have relatively recently left the planet, and left me (us) here to "party on, Garth!", and the myriad ways they have made their grand exits: Motorcycle wreck, suicide, pulmonary illness, cancer, cancer, cancer, infection from too many surgeries in a row, aneurysm, stroke, heart attack, rock climbing fall, old age, cancer, cancer, and more cancer, cycling accident….There's even a book you can buy at the gift shop at the Grand Canyon, devoted solely to all the different ways people have died there. And of course, I have it in my personal library.
Because I find death at least as interesting as birth. I think of it as being birthed somewhere else, just as we were birthed into this life. Of course, the reality is that I have absolutely no clue "what happens" to me when that which I need to be alive on this planet stops functioning. I didn't have a clue "what will happen" to me when I was in my mother's womb, either. My comfort in any of this is to come to this party, visit the buffet table of human life, see what's there, partake of the things I know I like, maybe try a few new things (I'm really not big on that, by the way….my huge loss, I'm sure), go through time doing as little damage as possible, and then….making my exit in some surprising-to-me way.
Barry was a friend, a loving father, and devoted husband, and I wish I had bumped into him more often during the party. I was off in some other room, chatting and gabbing and partying with others for a long time, and came back into his circle only recently. And he was there to welcome me back, as though no time had really passed.
So I look around at the party. Another person has gone home. The party is a lot quieter, and getting thinner. My husband keeps telling me, "You are ALWAYS the last one to leave the party! C'mon, let's GO already!" That's right. I am.
And that's what I wish for all my remaining friends and family: May you be the last ones to leave the party.
RIP, Barry McCall. We loved having you here and are GLAD you could make it!
Beautiful, Teresa. Party on.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Katherine. I haven't really been writing much lately…at least not stuff worthy of even my blog (which I intend on renaming Blah-Blah-Blahg). I haven't heard squat from Wisdom Daily but then again, haven't taken the time to really write something worthy of that site. I really want to write a reprise to the Fear one. There has been SOOOO much showing up on media about fear lately. Yesterday, on the Ted Radio Hour, it was all about fear, and there was a lovely analogy that an author wrote about how our lives are like a book, and our task is make a great story, and not worry about what lies outside the 2 covers (birth/death) because it really becomes fear about something we have no idea about. Our real fear of death is not actually of death, but of loss of our lives as we know them. So….fear of loss. I LOVED all that you wrote and need to revisit it. What also interests me is how we fear as a collective society vs. how we fear as individuals. I think those are different fears, really. Or maybe not? Anyway…..the one thing that always sticks in my head about writing something, is the editor of Wisdom Daily telling me to focus on the "nugget of wisdom you wish to impart"….If I can't bring that nugget down to a 1 or 2 sentence statement, then….I have work to do. So I start with the nugget and keep my diatribe (which is what it usually amounts to) focused on that nugget. That is also how I can very easily trash 90% of what spews out on the page. The first piece I did for them, about honoring the concept of the secret ballot, during the editing process, I ended up rewriting the entire piece, except for like 1 sentence! Anyway, I'm surely enjoying reconnecting with you, even though it is virtual. I hope you are writing because you possess a gifted mind and you also have access to it!
DeleteI am so happy to see you're back (I'd probably be happy to see your front, too!)!
ReplyDeleteA wiseguy once said, "Old age ain't for sissies!" I don't know for sure, but you have to get there first. I keep getting closer and people younger than me keep dropping like flies. I'm not sure I want to be the last to leave the party, but somewhere near the end would be okay. It's not my choice, necessarily, but it could be. I do try to be happy every day I wake up on the right side of the dirt.
Did I say I was glad to see you back? :)
Thanks, Jono! And yeah...maybe wishing on my friends and family for them to have all those they love die before them....maybe that's not so good, although my intention was to say, "May you live LOOOOONG lives!". Anyway, I'm here...and I need to start writing again. Thinking about just making a new blog, called "Blah, blah, blahg". And just write in it. Like the way you do. Yours is WAYYYY more interesting though. I should just focus on what it's like to live in Las Vegas. After all, whenever I say that, people look at me dumbfounded...."You LIVE there? I didn't know people actually LIVED there!?" I went to Norway last summer for 2 weeks. It was stellar, as usual. Spent a lot of time at the cabin, and also, the Tall Ships Races were there in Bergen just before we took off. LOVED it and the music and are now fans of the Bergen band, Kakkmaddafakka. With a name like that, how can you go wrong? Here's to keeping in touch and I promise I'll keep writing. Thanks for the well-wishes! Hope you're staying warm. It's supposed to be in the 70's all week this coming week. Read it an weep!
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