Cows 'n stuff

Forgive me, Blogger, for I have sinned.  It has been 2 weeks since my last confession.....


So, let's get to it!


Ok, so, the federal Bureau of Land Management (BLM....Bungled Land Management?)  has suspended plans to seize the 500 to 750 head of cattle run by Clark County rancher Cliven Bundy south of Mesquite - and 80 miles northeast of Las Vegas.   They were going to attempt to at least bring the cattle numbers down to what was  negotiated decades ago, and which had become a legal agreement, a lease, involving public land ("This land is your land, this land is my land, from California, to the New York island..."), a lease that has indeed been violated (did I mention that Mr. Bundy had not paid up on his lease to the Feds in 18 years?).  But, guns are the order of the day, and with Mr. Bundy threatening an armed revolt, the BLM has backed down in the interest of public safety....and government subsidized cattle ranching.  Meanwhile, from the safety of their helicopters, they conduct another roundup of wild horses (because horses have no opposable thumbs and can't stand upright so can't shoot a gun...and have no pockets either, so...no ammo) for fear that these mustangs will die of thirst and have nothing to graze on....wait a minute!  What are those cows drinking?  What the hell are they eating, too? Whose water is that anyway?  


Lesson #1:  Cows are better than wild horses because you can make a profit from them.  They also taste better.  They have a use, a purpose, a profitability, so therefore, they are worth killing over.  Wild horses are just....pretty.  Kind of like Paris Hilton or whatshername Kardashian.  Definitely not worth killing over.


Lesson #2:  Cows are a lot like personal possessions in a home.  They are worth killing another person over.  The life of an unarmed 19 year old guy who was shot by the homeowner 5 (FIVE) times (once in the back) while trying to break and enter was far less important than the homeowner's TV, computer, and jewelry.  What ever happened to running away when faced with danger?  If I was that homeowner, I would have bolted out the front door while the perp was entering the back, and gone to the neighbors to use the phone...oh yeah, we don't talk to our neighbors anymore.  Because we don't need to.  We got guns! (ok...the real reason I'd run is because I don't have a gun...that I know how to use, but hey, at least I didn't kill anyone for coveting my macbook!).


Lesson #3:  A person who packs a gun in public is like a vicious dog on a leash.  They have become vicious because they no longer have the option to flee.  Who the hell runs if they're packing a gun (and admits it?) Running is awesome.  We should do more of it.  Oh wait, "These colors don't run".  


Ah, home:

Land of the Pee, Home of the Depraved

Actually, people here generally hate laws in that they hate having the government tell them what to do.  Damn it, if I wanna drink from the toilet, I should be able to, but look at Big Brother!  Won't even let us do THAT anymore.  Ok, so that's one big difference I have noticed since being back.  Americans generally do not like to obey laws.  When it comes to traffic laws that we violate, at least here in Nevada, we can just go to the "ticket fixer" (I'm assuming these are available in most states).  This avoids those pesky points on your driving record, and makes speeding and driving drunk so much more affordable.  And so much easier to do a second time!  

Well, Norway has a heck of a lot of laws as well.  Actually, WAY more than an American would ever allow.  But one thing I learned when I was there, was that Norway's laws, for the most part (I'm SURE there are exceptions) were hammered out through a long, arduous, inefficient bureaucratic process, meaning that many, many discussions at the local level happened before any pen was used to sign those babies into law.  And so, people tend to obey them.  My Norwegian teacher said I was being a little idealistic, but from my observation, I saw a lot of law-abidin' goin' on over there.  A lot more than here, anyway.  

I just have to laugh at my home though.  America is my home, whatever that means.  My home: where the federal government does not enforce the law against a violating cattle rancher because people need to eat more cows so we can continue to be the country with the highest incidence of heart disease (that's called Cowrma if you ask me!); where a person can sue (and win) a fast food place for being scalded by their hot coffee; where I can get money from a drive-through ATM machine...hell, in Vegas, I can get married in a drive-through; where I can carry a gun to a political rally...or to work; where apparently I can sue a place for not warning me that the toilet water wasn't safe to drink....

I have been laughing a lot lately, actually.  It beats the alternative!

Hangover Heaven

New Link!  I've added Las Vegas weather to my gadgets, so you guys in Norway can have a little something to drool over...for a couple months anyway. 


Well, another weekend is over, and we've now hit 39 traffic fatalities year-to-date in Las Vegas.  This time, the driver actually drove onto the sidewalk and hit the 63 year old woman who apparently thought she would be safe there.  We just have 1.8 more traffic related fatalities to go to keep up with the running weekly average.  


I sort of made a promise to myself to not go negative with this blog, and I will make every effort to do so.  But like a political campaign, it's hard to resist the temptation!  I will do my darndest however, to look upon things with wonder, amazement, and amusement....just like a 2 year old.  Heck, it's what so many Americans do, so I may was well join 'em.


Oh my god, I had just finished a huge paragraph about Norwegian vs. American tax codes, and my husband walked in with the newspaper that contains an article about "Hangover Heaven", a mobile medical bus manned by an anesthesiologist who cruises the Strip, administering relief to all-nighter partiers.  Ok, remember, I just got back from a country that covers the beer in the grocery store aisles with beer-curtains at 8pm on weekdays and 6 pm on Saturdays (or is it Fridays?) because they do not sell beer after those hours.  "Regular price is $200, but Saturday's patients were charged an introductory rate of $150.  It included two bags of saline mixed with vitamins and two prescription drugs, ....Toradol and Zofran....Hangover Heaven is offering a service that can potentially help crowded emergency rooms..."  And here's the response from a customer who had some reservations about the fact that prescription drugs were being administered, "...[T]hey're all wearing scrubs...We assume this is a legitimate business."  The treatment they received, which is called "Redemption" was on special that day for only $90.  And, of course, this is Vegas, so "Wearing a white, sexy nurse costume with white fishnet stockings and white keee-high boots, medical assistant Crystal Willis added a real Vegas touch to the atmosphere." I hope there is an added touch of licensed medical practice along with that!   The funny thing is, that these folks aren't getting this treatment so they can catch their plane home (unlike the ones that were on my first flight who caused us to turn around so they could get off the plane to nurse their epic hangovers).  No way, man!  They're getting on this bus so they can go pull another all-nighter! (and then get on the bus again before catching their flight home).


I think Vegas will make a comeback.  In a country that is increasingly going insane (I'll post later about the rancher who has the BLM running scared because they want to enforce the law on his expired lease to graze his cattle, and he has threatened basically another sagebrush rebellion), people are increasingly searching for a way to anesthetize themselves.  Just hop on a budget airline, check into any hotel, drink yourself into Oz, check into the Hangover Heaven bus for a 90 minute treatment, rinse, and repeat.  


Hangover Heaven doctor treats the buzz kill on Strip - Living - ReviewJournal.com


I think I know what my next investment is going to be!  Anyone got a line on a used 45 ft. bus?  Oh hell yeah!  All those repo'd RV's!!!!!!


Now THAT'S America, my friend, where business opportunities abound to anyone willing and able.  And I mean that in a good way.  


See?  I'm turning a new leaf already  (quick, before it turns into mulch...).  I may need to rename the blog "Leafing Las Vegas"....


Upcoming editions:
Pole dancers in plexi-glassed moving-trucks that drive up and down the Strip (finally outlawed though)


Rancher's Standoff


Any other crazy Vegas story that comes along.

"Socialism Light" and other not-so-amusing things

"In response to Steve Sebelius' March 27 column, in which he argues Obamacare is not socialistic: Maybe Mr. Sebelius is correct, but it is very European - which is 'Socialism Light.'"  


With comments like these from folks who write letters to the editor in the local "news"paper, I can now say definitively that I am healed from ever feeling the need to join their ranks again.   Mark Twain is quoted to have said that "It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."   Have I mentioned how noisy Americans, in general, are when compared to most Norwegians?


I will begin with a HUGE apology to all of the sane Americans I know, and even those I don't know, before continuing with my observations made by sweeping generalizations of America.  I understand that we are a huge country, with a seemingly infinite diversity, so to those of you who read this and truly feel that my comments don't apply to you - well then, they probably don't.  


What a week it has been!  An elderly friend from the dog park was on her way to the hairdresser the other morning when her car was broadsided in an intersection by a 21 year old, busy running a red light.  Actually, according to the paper, her car collided with the truck.  "The police said Portello's truck ran a red light."  Even traffic accidents are described as though people weren't responsible...just their cars are at fault.  She died at the hospital later that morning.  This was the 37th traffic fatality in the Las Vegas valley so far this year (that's appx. 2.8 deaths per week).  Yesterday's running over of yet another pedestrian, (ok - the American says- she deserves it because she wasn't in a crosswalk) brought the number to 38.  I'm immediately remembering my last post about "trust", and applied here, we are to trust that should you ever find the need to cross a street, in or out of a crosswalk, you are taking your life for granted.  And you can trust that if you get hit outside a crosswalk, for any reason, there will be no empathy coming your way.  Social Darwinism, you ninny!  We, as Americans, just refuse to evolve into empathetic creatures, however.


Yesterday's topic on "State of Nevada", a local call-in panel radio broadcast was all about the "Stand Your Ground" law...meaning that it is your legal right not only to carry around a registered gun when you go out and about, but you are no longer required to retreat if you feel threatened.  "If you feel threatened...".  Well, cool, I guess.  Now I know how to handle myself next time I'm in a crosswalk here and that motorist doesn't look like he's slowing down....I'll just get all American on his ass, whip out my gun, and shoot, cuz I felt threatened....That's basically what the man up in Summerlin did to the kid who was in his back yard.  The man felt threatened by the presence of a teen in his yard, pulled out his gun, and shot...and killed him.  In Bergen, this would be an interesting scenario since I could count the number of fences enclosing people's yards on one hand.  "....[H]ome of the brave?"  Then why does someone feel threatened?


Ok.  I get it.  This is life in the city.  In a particularly strange city, so I should not make sweeping generalizations.  But there  is a common underlying thread I have felt since being back here:  Americans don't trust.  Americans fear.  And Americans do not think that they fear.  Like the bully on the schoolground,  our fear is masked by bravado, guns, and self-righteousness.  I get that this may not necessarily be the case in small towns, because I used to live in them.  I get that America is a country of such ethnic diversity that a sense of trust through cultural unity can be difficult.  


But if we cannot trust each other for these reasons, we need to find other reasons to trust one another.  The problem now, as I see it,  is that there really is not a common America for all.  And I think that this is partially because of our culture of individualism and bootstraps, filtered down into us via Horatio Alger, and glorified by lucky millionaires who yes, got there by hard work, but can't seem to understand that they indeed were privileged from the get-go by having access to education, a roof over their heads, people looking after them when they were children, access to health care via their parents, food in their stomachs....you know....."socialism light".....